Gads alive.. i am really turning into a loner. My coz visits me on my birthday.. it is fun yes ! But i am busy catering to dear bro in law.. carting them across town to shop.. putting up with their idiosyncrasies.. and what then.. feeling totally empty because i feel my own time got screwed up. i am too used to doing things my own way.. having time for myself, listening to music, working the net, surfing,, not cooking,, not cleaning,, or not NEEDING to clean because things dont move.

I wanted to spend my birthday ruminating on my life, wasting my time in my own way. And the weekend felt ruined.. i felt used and hassled.

The best spot was the morning walk at the Lake .. thinking of the beautiful boy i spent time with .. Sigh.. hoping for an encore. Thinking my own thoughts, walking my own pace, uninterrupted.. Yes that was sublime.

Life is sweet, i want it for myself.